Category Archives: Retrogasm!

Retrogasm: Gunstar Heroes Review

Gunstar Heroes 3

What a game. What a bloody brilliant game.

But first, let’s talk about how I’m playing it. Back in the day I used to have standalone copy of Gunstar Heroes but it – like many of my old carts, was either traded in or lost to the ravages of time. Now I have it as part of this pretty nifty four-game compilation simply called ‘Classic Collection.’

Gunstar Heroes 2

When I fired this up for the first time I was a confounded by the game select music. See if you can tell what it is:

It’s the Columns music. Weird isn’t it?

Anyway, Classic Collection is¬†certainly a curious package, because it comes with three¬†titles that I would regard as staples of Sega’s 16-bit stock and one oddity. Altered Beast is a fairly risible port of the company’s big arcade smash, Flicky was created by members of Sonic Team and Alex Kidd is widely regarded as one of Sega’s old school mascots, so it makes sense for these games to be included.
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Retrogasm: Bishi Bashi Special Review

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I remember being a wide eyed, genuinely obese wanker back in 2010, and in a review I likened a game – I believed it was Geometry Wars, to a drug trip I had never experienced.

What a grade-a bell shaft.

The problem is that I’ve nevet experienced a drug trip of any kind in my puff, and I’m sure most journalists who have likened a high score session of Space Giraffe to an evening spent suckling at Minter’s gack-laced nipples – they haven’t either.

In short, it’s a shit metaphor, you’re not Hunter S. Thompson, let’s cut the bullshit and talk like adults yeah?

So what would I liken the best PSone game ever made (exaggeration plausible) – Bishi Bashi Special to in sober terms?

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Retrogasm! Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja

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Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja is a curious beast, forged in the hellfires of early ’90s popular culture, where words like tubular and bodacious were being used in adverts as a way of peddling Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures to the bright-eyed children of the Saturday morning cartoon generation.

I was one of those kids, sitting there watching Phillip Scofield and Gordon the Gopher compere some of the finest cartoons known to humanity like Transformers, The Raccoons and Dungeons and Dragons. Even Super Mario had his own super show, and it seemed that all over the globe marketing executives were sitting around their mahogany boardroom tables, brainstorming what killer toy line or product they could work into a cartoon series next while guzzling Tab Clear. It was a great time to be a kid, I’m sure, at least it felt that way looking back.

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Retrogasm! Alex Kidd in Miracle World: Master System Review

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I’ve decided I want to start blogging about retro games more regularly, so that’s exactly what I’m doing with this continuation of my Retrogasm! video series. The clips were a ball-ache to put together so I’m opting for written articles instead.

I wanted to kick off the new round of Retrogasm! with Alex Kidd in Miracle World because it came up during a podcast I guested on recently about our top five games of all time. You should listen to it, it’s insanely Scottish and full of at least five instances of borderline offensive patter. Get your gran round and stick it on, she’ll love it over a pack of Abernathy biscuits and a pot of tea, guaranteed.

So why Alex Kidd? Well, and I say this without a hint of being a hyperbole-riddled prick, I’m certain it was the game that convinced me to get into the hobby at a young age. See, when I was wee my tonsils were insanely prone to infection. They’d swell up to the size of one of those swinging punching bags, and get so raw it actually felt like Mike Tyson was punching fuck out of them. This happened every three or so months without fail and I was sick of it. My parents decided it was time to get them out.

Off I went to the Sick Kid’s hospital here in Edinburgh. It was set up to give wee ones a less-terrifying breed of hospital, with loads of toys and things to keep them occupied through the rough experience. I remember they had a game room through the back with tonnes of things to do, as this was back in the days where post-operation, patients would be kept in hospitals for days, not like now where they’re practically drive-throughs.

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